Have you heard more about bullying in the news recently? I know I have. If you have been awhile long you may be thinking that bullying was always around, why is it getting attention now? Maybe you have heard multiple news stories about teenagers committing suicide as a result of bullying. Why are there more bullies now than there were 20 years ago?
The truth of the matter is that there isn't. The bullies that do exist just have more tools than they used to. "Kids will be kids" and "children are cruel" are true statements now just as they were 20 years ago. However, 20 years ago children would taunt each other by cursing each other in the school hallways, or maybe be slandering another in front of the track team. In some extreme cases, they would slander a person using graffiti where everyone can see. Those were the worst. Any girl who would visit the ladies room would know what so-and-so thinks of you or what number to reach you at "for a good time". Graffiti was terrible because it was there "forever" and people who didn't witness the first attack would still see the results for months to come.
Now imagine if the graffiti could not be painted over or washed. What if the graffiti'd wall was able to travel to different towns and countries. What if strangers could not only see the message that was put up but also saw a picture of you next to it? This makes it hard to even switch schools to prevent the torment.
Now enter Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, Text Messaging, PictureMail, you name it. A slanderous name, a rumor, or an embarrassing moment can now travel around the globe in seconds. A humiliating video of you can go viral and be seen by millions of people. These new tools make the effects of bullying far more outreaching and more unlikely for the bullied to move on. A slander in the hall can be forgotten, overcome, moved on from... A slander online can live on forever.
Let me say one thing about suicides related to bullying. So many are treating this as a new and late-breaking phenomenon... a reason that bullying must be dealt with my the authorities. Let me ask you this, can you think of any reason a teenager would kill themselves besides bullying? The only other scenario I can think of would be a particularly painful breakup, but through the years bullying has been there and I have to believe it has caused many teen suicides, it just wasn't labeled as bullying.
So what do we do about it? The cold hard truth is that 'we the people'- as in government- can do NOTHING. In this age of information we are finding more and more instances of the police and government infringing on our freedoms. Freedom to assemble, freedom to marry who we wish, and to govern bullying would be a direct attack on freedom of speech. The government can do very little about this unless the bullying turns into assault.
So what? We just need to accept this behavior? Not a chance. As I often say about a well-meaning elder in my family "just because you have earned the right to say what you think doesn't mean you have earned the right to insult others while doing it." This is not a "right", this is human decency, something I think we have forgotten about these days. We all try so hard to put life into blocks of black and white... what we can do and what we can't do. What about what we shouldn't do? Can you sue everytime someone hurts your feelings? Sure, but why - Just to prove that your weak and a jerk? Can you go to church and not put money in the collection plate? Absolutely, I have done it myself, but if you are able, you should give. Can you make fun of the kid who seems awkward and doesn't have any friends in your circle? Sure, but again, why? We need to teach our children and each other that difference is the spice of life and that we can't always say what we think. We especially can't write what we think in public places (like I am now). So I guess maybe we need more clarification on that last piece. Back to my statement about what you have earned. You have earned the right to say what you think, but this is in regards to policy, procedure, current events, etc. This right should not be directed at one person or one group of people. When it becomes personal it has gone too far.
As a parent myself, I strongly feel we are failing in this game. I try so hard to teach right from wrong but I find myself falling into that black and white perception. Thou shalt not steal, thou shall honor thy mother and thy father, thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not beat up your brother... but I feel that I am missing the opportunities to teach decency and honor. I hope many parents are excelling at this but if I am missing the boat, others must be too. I try to live an honest and decent life and I hope I teach by example, but is it enough? With input from so many other sources like video games, TV, ipods, and music is my message too subtle?
So I am taking this rash of bullying related deaths as an learning opportunity for me and my children. Every time there is a story on about these tragedies I am talking to my children about them. How could this have been prevented? Why was this person different and was that so bad? "Look - she was a musician, what a great talent she had, how can you make fun of a violinist?" I am hoping this more direct approach will teach my children the consequences of their actions when they speak out against another human. From there I have to hope I taught them the black and white enough that they will make the right choice.
