Here We Go Again

So 3 days after writing my last post about how I seemed to have gotten beaten up in 2010 and was looking forward to a healthy 2011, I suffered a tragic Wii accident and re-broke my ankle.  No pictures this time because I had a crappy phone that didn't take pictures but this time I had a purple cast.  This time I was not cutting my own cast off and when it did come off, I was not blowing off Physical Therapy.  How in the world did I do that you ask? Well, it went down like this...

For Christmas, my husband, always eager to feed my latest obsession, wanted to get me something to help me lose weight. I had asked for a Bowflex TreadClimber, but since the cheapest one is $1299 and he was convinced it would end up in my garage next to my treadmill in storage, he refused to get it for me.  However, he did manage to fit a great workout video game into my stocking. Jillian Michaels' Fitness Ultimatum 2009 for Wii.  We have the balance board and the Wii so this seemed like a fun (and cheap) way to get some exercise to him. Well, I was excited to get this gift although not too eager. After all, it was the holiday season... time to eat, drink, and be merry... not the time to humiliate yourself in front of family and friends. So I waited to get on the board and try it.  On Thursday December 30th while at work I got into a stimulating IM conversation with another coworker who struggles with their weight.  He convinced me to stop procrastinating and get in the saddle. And so that night I put on my sneakers and gave Jillian Michaels a try.  I am not a video game tester or rater by any stretch of the imagination... I am still quite entertained by Pong. But let me tell you, even by my standards this video game sucks big smelly eggs.  The idea was really cool, and I did break a good sweat going through a 15 minute workout.  The video game avatar just doesn't do what you do. Isn't that the whole point of the Wii?  Your actual actions happen on the screen? Virtual reality?  I am doing what Jillian tells me to do (And she isn't very pleasant about it) on the balance board while holding the 2 Wii controllers.  I am sweating going so fast and my person on the screen is just standing there.  Jillian tells me to jump from one tire to another, so I shift my weight from one foot to the other, like the example showed, but my person isn't doing anything.  Finally I decide to screw the avatar on the screen, I am here for a workout and I am doing the work whether I am getting credit for it or not. The last exercise that got me was basically squats.  On the game, I was pumping a self propelled rail car from point A to point B, but the motion was that of repeated squats as fast as I could for 2 and a half minutes.  Wow, that hurt a lot, but what hurt more was that right after that exercise I went to walk up the stairs to the kitchen for a glass of water.  With my first right step, I pulled my quadricep from my knee to my hip. OUCH. Then when I stepped with my left foot on the next step, I did the same thing to my left quadricep.  And that was that. Until the next Monday, 4 days later, I was barely walking and "ouching" every time I had to take a step, sit down, or get up from a seated position. First night with Jillian and she already kicked my ass, even though the video game barely worked.  This was going to be a beautiful relationship, I could tell already.

Once I was able to move freely around my house again, I figured "hey, that was a good workout. Let's try again."  Now that I have done it I think maybe I will get the hang of what I need to do to make my avatar do what it is supposed to.  I was wrong. About 5 minutes into the workout I once again just did what I was supposed to do and gave up on making my avatar on the video game play along.  I made it through my 15 minute workout and was still able to walk around and talk about it. Hooray! AND I had lost 3 pounds since my last workout the Thursday before. I guess it was because I was in too much pain to navigate the stairs to the kitchen fridge too much. 

I am on a roll and LOSING. I love this stupid game that doesn't work. I have a vendetta now to get that game to work, and I am up for a challenge. Tuesday night I set my workout for a 30 minute workout and I put on my Sketchers Shape Ups.  Between every 3-4 minute exercise is a running exercise where you simply shift your weight from one foot to the other while standing on the balance board. I figured with my Shape Ups on, I can get some better movement up my legs while I am doing this.  While I take on my challenge, my husband sits behind me on the couch playing with his iPhone. Those damn angry birds always win him over.... I got through 20 minutes of my 30 minute workout when I came across one of the most challenging exercises... the tire obstacle course. On the video game, you are supposed to jump from one tire to the other. To do this on the Wii, you are supposed to shift your weight with purpose to follow to the tires.  If the tire is on your right, you shift all your weight to your right foot. If the tire is on the left,  you switch all your weight to your left foot.  Easy peasy, except I am doing all this work and my avatar is just standing there looking dumfounded.  I am halfway done with the time limit for the exercise and my person hasn't moved yet.  Jillian is yelling at me that I am not trying. So I start to exaggerate my movements a little more. I do a little hop onto my right foot and hooray! My person jumps to the right tire! I am the queen, I am gonna master this game! I keep hopping from left to right... sometimes the person moves, sometimes they don't. With about 15 seconds left in the exercise, I am basically doing the Karate Kid crane kick on the balance board trying to get the game to register that I have jumped.  Well, when your hips are 25 inches across and hence so are your feet, the balance board is 20 inches across, and you are doing crane jumps in the air, it is just a matter of time before you land off the balance board.  Unfortunately, I wasn't so lucky. My left foot, the one that I got the cast off of in September, landed half on and half off the left hand side of the balance board. This caused my foot to roll.  Ouch, but hold on, theres more! Don't forget, I was wearing my ShapeUps, so I am basically wearing platform sneakers. Not only did my ankle roll, but it rolled from a good 6 inches above the ground between the mere 3 inch height of the Wii balance board and the height of the sneaker itself.  Luckily for me, I hit my wall on my left side which broke my fall. If the wall wasn't there, I think my ankle would have just snapped.  I hear a little "snap, crackle, pop" but there were no Rice Crispies.  My whole foot immediately went numb and I just knew I had broken it again. 

I lasted the night with some leftover narcotics from the first break and saw the orthopedic specialist the next morning. Yep, broke again. Same fracture as last time, just split a little more this time.  5 weeks in a cast and same old story. After having a cast in the summer and then again in a Buffalo winter, I tell you winter is so much easier. Thanks to fuzzy socks and jeans, nobody really even knew I had a cast on. They noticed the limp but that was about it. 

So this whole situation brings up some concerns. First of all, what kind of backwoods pollack breaks their ankle on a Wii?  The orthopedic specialist said it was not the first Wii injury he has seen, but it was the first Wii break that didn't include a broken TV (Which we experienced last year around this time).  Secondly, who can possibly break their ankle twice in less than 6 months?  A fat chick who is 100 lbs overweight, that's who.  So obviously I need to lose some weight. DUH, that's what I was trying to do when Jillian Michaels shoved me off the balance board. Thirdly, Jillian Michaels Wii game sucks. How did anyone allow this game to get past the Beta stage? And once I tried it, I thought maybe I was retarded and just didn't know how to play video games, so I googled it. Everyone else said this game sucks too. Why are they still selling it? Why did they make 2 more versions which apparently suck too. Don't manufacturers look for feedback on their product before they send it to market? Have none of the employees of Ubisoft ever tried their own video games? So what is a fat girl to do?