Hair and Boobs Optional

I have cancer. Poor me. NOT!

I am not making a joke of cancer. Cancer is a very serious thing and not to be messed with. But not everything about cancer and chemotherapy is bad. There is a silver lining and I would like to share that with you.

Fashion

I have a different sense of fashion these days.  I used to have to wear Vneck or scoop neck shirts all the time because crew necks felt like they were choking and suffocating me. I have much more flat real estate on the front of my chest now and crew necks are just fine. In fact, now when I do wear my old Vneck or scoop necks, I need to wear a tank top underneath them. It used to be that when I bent over, everyone saw my cleavage. If I don't wear a tank top, now when I bend over all you see down my shirt is my waist.  This isn't sad. It has opened up a whole new wardrobe of shirts that never fit me quite right. I used to have to wear a 2XL. Now I can wear just a ladies XL (which graduates me back to shopping at normal stores and not having to shop at the fat lady store or online).  I have cheap concert or vacation Tshirts I have never been able to wear before but now I am more than comfortable in.  In fact, all my old shirts are now much longer on me, making them look like they fit so much better.  I just look like I am dressing better.

In my world, boobs are OPTIONAL! If I choose to wear boobs to work, when I get home at the end of a long day I take off my coat, shoes, hair and boobs.  If I am wearing a nice dress or a tailored blouse, I can choose to wear my $600 boobs.  If I am just going shopping or going to my daughter's softball game, I can choose to go boob-less. I don't feel the need to wear my boobs to work because everyone there knows what happened. They know that if I show up with boobs that they are fake. Therefore I wear my boobs as a fashion accessory. If I am in the mood that day or my shirt looks good but is just missing a little something, I will wear boobs. If not, I won't, and I don't feel bad at all about it. Best yet, if I do choose to wear my boobs out and I change my mind while I am still out, I can slip them off and put them in my purse on the fly!

Beauty

I have to tell you, I have the best hair. I have a blonde bob, I have a long blonde face-framing cut, I have shoulder length auburn hair, I have short red hair... and I can wear each of these hairdo's in the same day if I want!  Each of my hairdos are styled to perfection and I can be ready to go with them in less than 2 minutes a day. I don't need to wash, condition, blow dry, flat iron, curl, gel, mousse, or tease. I don't have to waste money on hair spray or ponytail holders.

I simply don't have bad hair days. If I want to take a quick nap (not that I have the luxury of doing that on most days) I can simply pop my hair off, hang it on a door knob or a kitchen chair and take a nap. When I wake up, my hair is still perfect. I can go to work on Friday morning with long blonde hair and then go out Friday night with short red hair without spending hours at the salon.  Best yet, I can be totally trendy and make my own fashion statement by just going out bald. Most women will never know if their head is misshapen or not. I know. Yes, my head is kind of lumpy and my scalp really was as white as it looked through my hair, but it tanned up quickly.

With all the time I am saving from not having to do my hair, I have more time to experiment with makeup.  I think my hair used to cast a shadow on my face because now that I don't have any, it seems like I have way more face to apply makeup too. Even my eyelids seem bigger, so I am having a great time with bold colors, eyeliners, and I actually wear blush now. What makes it better is that chemotherapy actually causes your skin to discolor a little. In my case, that discoloration looks like a tan. Eat your heart out.

Personal Care

Now ladies, if you weren't completely jealous already, hold on to yourselves now.  As of now, and probably for the rest of the summer, I don't have to shave. I was given an complimentary, pain-free body wax.  Not just an leg wax or an upper lip wax, but a full body wax.  I don't have to shave my legs, my armpits, nothing.  This means I can save $12.99 every 4 months on Mach3 refills! See! No shampoo, mousse, gel, hairspray, shaving cream or razors... I am saving money everywhere!  The only place I still have hair is my eyebrows and eyelashes.  I even blew my nose one morning to find that most of my nose hairs fell out.  I have to tell you, chemo sucks, but this side effect is pretty cool....

You simply don't realize all the problems that your hair causes.  First of all, I can shower in under 5 minutes and then be completely dry in 3 more minutes.  I only use one towel rather than one for my head and one for the rest of my body.  Sometimes I still put a towel on my head out of habit.  Secondly, my skin has cleared up. I always thought I had oily skin. Turns out, I only had oily hair.  Everywhere that came into contact with my hair became oily from it. No more T-zone on my face, no more 'bacne', no more shiny forehead. For years I have kept companies such as Mary Kay, Avon, and Clinique in business when all I needed to do was shave my head.  Who knew?  Lastly, my bathtub drain loves me again.  Why did God give me all the hair I had if he intended it to fall out every day?  My bathtub hasn't drained in real time in years.  No hair to fall out in the shower means no clogs. No clogs means the shower drains quickly and no rings develop on the bathtub which means it is much easier for me to clean.  Do you see all the problems hair causes?  Glad I don't have to deal with that.

New Experiences

Going through cancer and chemotherapy have brought me to some new experiences that I have to say I would have never had otherwise. For instance, I mentioned that my hair had fallen out. Chemo attacks the hair follicles of your fastest growing hair. Funny that the hair on my head was the last to go proving that my hair is the slowest growing hair in the entire world. However when it did start to fall out in clumps, I was quick to shave it rather than be a source of constant shedding.  However, between chemo treatments some of the hair on my head will start to grow back, forming small sections of peach fuzz on my head.  As I mentioned, I do sometimes go out bald. Bald is a fashion statement not to be taken lightly.  I either go all bald or all hair... this patches of stubble thing doesn't work for me.  This morning I had a brand new experience that I never thought I would have. I Naired my head.  Can you say that you have ever slathered your entire head in depilatory and then gone to fold laundry for 10 minutes?  I never thought I would have said that, but now I can say "Hey, I did that!"

Wig shopping was another of those experiences... Most women never get the opportunity to pick their hairstyle off a shelf and just pop it on their head. You can... any of you reading this could decide to wear wigs right now and go wig shopping. Most of you won't though. I know the thought never occurred to me until getting cancer.

Appetite

Since beginning chemotherapy I have craved the weirdest foods. This has helped me broaden my palate.  Before chemo, I would have never made ginger snap ice cream sandwiches.  Before chemo I would have never made a dinner of two strawberry Eggo waffles with a scoop of vanilla frozen yogurt between them. I also wouldn't have made fried bologna with fried green peppers and spinach sandwiches with goat cheese.

I used to have an appreciation for wine.  At one point in my life I would drink wine 4-5 nights a week but more recently I would drink a nicer wine a couple nights a week and always when I went out for dinner. Since being diagnosed with cancer I really haven't been able to enjoy my wine much.  Prior to my mastectomy I was on such a strict diet I simply couldn't drink.  After my mastectomy I was on Loritabs and afraid to drink. Now that chemotherapy has begun, I am not allowed to drink for 1 day before and 5 days after each chemo treatment. For the next four days after that everything tastes like pennies, especially wine, so I have no taste for wine.  BUT THEN, on day 10 I usually begin to feel wonderful. Exhilarated really. I want to go everywhere, do everything, visit everyone. I want to go out to eat, I want to enjoy a glass of wine or a mixed drink.  When day 10 comes, wine is better than wine has ever been.  On day 10, I drink wine like a wine connoisseur.  I appreciate the smell, the feeling of it in my mouth, the after taste. For this reason, I am really really bummed that I was invited to a wine tour with friends but it falls on a chemo day. I will have to make up for it over the summer.


So you see, cancer sucks. Chemo sucks worse. However, if you allow yourself to see the silver lining, it is there. I am the envy of all my friends because of the silver lining of chemotherapy. Hair and boobs optional is really the way to enjoy life.  Some weight loss would be nice, but I can't be that greedy.  Anyway, weight loss means I am sick and I don't really want to be any sicker than I already am after chemo, so this no weight loss is just another blessing in this whole ordeal.

When my kids are grown and I look back on the year 2013 I will say that was the year that I had fabulous hair and a kick ass tan!


 

Prosthetic Boobs

Just because both attempts to reconstruct my breasts failed doesn't mean that I can't have them. First of all, I am going to try reconstruction with silicone implants again in November. Secondly, there is a huge business for prosthetic boobs for mastectomy patients. I could literally shop on a shelf for them. I wouldn't be parading around naked with them, but I could wear them under my clothes and bathing suit so complete strangers don't stare.

Picking Out New Boobs

After my April 15th visit with Dr. Lindfield where her assistant checked my incision scars and my mediport to make sure it was healing ok, I stopped at the gift shop at WNY Breast Health on Sheridan Dr in Amherst (NY). The gift shop is right off the lobby for Dr. Lindfield's.  Upon walking into the small gift shop there was a variety of bras and bathing suits to choose from on the wall.  I asked the woman behind the counter if she had a solution for a flat chest and low and behold she did! As it turns out, silicone breast prosthetics that fit into a specially made bra are quite common for women like me who had mastectomies with failed reconstruction or who chose not to reconstruct.

The woman brought me to a nicely decorated private room and gave me a silk robe to try on.  She measured my chest to find a bra for me, and then she asked me what size cup I would like. I told her I wanted to replace my original size so I asked for a DD. She told me that a DD would be very uncomfortable and heavy plus she didn't stock them. So she brought me a C.  I am glad she knew what she was was talking about because fake boobs are much heavier than real boobs.  When they removed my real boobs, I lost like 4 lbs, maybe 5.  These fake boobs weight like 5lbs EACH!

Silicone breast prosthetics are shaped like a triangle and have no discerning marks, like nipple forms, or

anything on them. They are not meant to be seen. They fit discreetly into a pocket on specially made

mastectomy bras that look just like regular bras from the outside.  The fake boobs are very pliable and soft to the touch, but man are they HEAVY! You don't realize how hard it is to carry around those things you develop as a teenager until you go from flat to a C cup in an instant. Also, when carrying all the weight in your bra, the weight is supported by the bra straps. Guess where that bra strap hangs right on? My mediport.

I have said it many times, ain't nobody or no thing better touch my mediport.  It is still very tender to the touch and having 5 pounds of silicone hanging on it is just not acceptable.  I tell you, the stars have spoken... I am just not meant to have boobs.

But I didn't realize how much it hurt until after I wore it for more than a few minutes, so I went on with my purchase.

Fake Boobs = 2 Car Payments

Here is the kicker. How much would you pay for one fake boob bra insert?  I was thinking maybe $100.  Anything you buy from a store attached to a doctor's office has to have a boutique price, right?  Guess again. Try $300 per boob.  Plus the special bra.  Now I would have walked right out, however the woman at the boutique told me insurance covers it.  Since I have hit my annual out of pocket maximum, my insurance would cover 100% of the cost. If I hadn't, insurance would cover 90% of the cost. Not bad. First, I am thankful that I have insurance that covers these things. Secondly, what the hell is that boob filled with, copper? What in the world could make this cost so much? Of course that's exactly what I asked.  The woman says "Well, silcone is very expensive". The heck it is. I can go to Home Depot and buy a tube of silicone caulk for under $10. Isn't Silicone still made of Silicon which comprises over 90% of the Earth's crust? (And I remembered that from 10th grade Earth Science! I just had to ask Wikipedia to make sure I was on top of my game!)  What in the world can they be doing to this stuff to make it worth $300?  What's worse is that aren't we as a country suffering a health care crisis? Aren't 18.9% of Americans without health insurance?  This is complete robbery of not only the health insurance companies but the women who don't have health insurance. I am not an expert on the subject, but I think that the only reason these boobs are $300 is because they know the health insurance companies will pay for it. That is wrong. I wish I had a better understanding of our health care system so I could speak more intelligently about it. But I tell you this really frosted my cookies... I was pissed off all week about it. Like women with breast cancer who don't have health insurance, or don't have great health insurance, aren't stressed out enough, now they can't have boobs?  Is there any limit to how much these women can be tortured????  If I were richer, I would start a fund for uninsured women to get free boobs.

So it was bittersweet when I left the boutique with two new boobs and a pretty bra with a rhinestone on it. I actually felt like a woman again.  Until I got home after wearing these new boobs for just an hour and had that bra off before I had my shoes off.  Well, they are a nice thing to have for when I am wearing a nice dress or have a vendor in town for a visit.  Some women wear uncomfortable shoes. I wear uncomfortable boobs. It won't be forever, and maybe someday this mediport won't be so sensitive and then I can wear them more often. For now, flat is fabulous!

But Wait, I Spoke Too Soon! 

So as I mentioned I was very upset for an entire week about how the makers of these silicone breast prosthesis rape the health insurance companies, and women without health insurance. I also mentioned that if I was rich, I would fund a program to get these to women for free.  Well, I learned that such a fund does exist already! I was recently advised to call the American Cancer Society.  I called them about their Look Good, Feel Better Program but while I was on the phone with them, I learned about all the programs they have to offer. As it turns out, the ACS offers free breast prosthetics to women with breast cancer.  All they want to know is what size you wear and the boobs are in the mail! In addition, breast cancer patients are entitled to a free wig! And to think I spent over $300 on wigs already.  What's more, is that they are NICE wigs! When they first told me I could get a free wig I assumed it would be a poor quality or they would have 3 styles to choose from. When I went to the ACS office on Audobon Parkway, just five minutes from my office, I was surprised to see they had more than 30 styles to choose from in multiple colors and styles. All the wigs are Paula Young brand which are on the cheaper side price wise, but I am pleasantly surprised to find that they are comfortable, light, and look fantastic! What's better is that it's free!

My New FREE Wig from American Cancer Society - "Meg"

The Look Good, Feel Better program is a cosmetology class geared specifically towards women going through chemotherapy.  It gives the patient high quality makeup and teaches them to use it to highlight their features and learn to do techniques they hadn't had to do before, such as applying eyelashes and drawing on eyebrows.  I am not scheduled for my class until June 24th, but I am excited for it and will update you later.

To get in touch with your local chapter of the American Cancer Society, you can visit their website at www.cancer.org or go to the Program Finder on the Look Good, Feel Better website at http://lookgoodfeelbetter.org/programs.