Nothing in life can prepare you for the moment when you become a
caregiver for someone with cancer. I remember the day it happened to me. On
November 21, 2005, my wife was diagnosed with malignant pleural mesothelioma, and our lives plunged
into chaos. Just over three months earlier, we were blessed by the birth of our
only child, Lily. Now, instead of preparing joyfully for her first Christmas,
we were fighting a battle to save Heather’s life and keep our family intact.
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| Cameron, Lily, and Heather Von St. James |
The responsibilities of being a caregiver for a cancer patient
fell upon me immediately. When the doctor gave us the news, he explained a
little about the disease. Then he explained our treatment options. Heather
could be treated at a local university hospital or seek treatment in a regional
facility where great oncology work was being done. Neither of these facilities,
however, had a dedicated mesothelioma program. The final option was to fly to
Boston for treatment under the direction of one of the world’s leading
mesothelioma physicians. I looked at Heather, expecting her to respond in some
way. She remained silent, but her face screamed for someone to help her.
Immediately, I blurted out, “Get us to Boston.” It was the first of many
difficult decisions I would have to help make concerning my wife’s care during
this time.
Over the next two months, chaos ensued. Heather had to quit her
full-time job, and I was only able to work part time while caring for her and
Lily. Meanwhile, I also needed to make travel arrangements, find care for Lily
while Heather underwent treatment in Boston and more. Along with the
overwhelmingly long list of things to do, I found myself facing my darkest
fears. What if we spent all our money on treatment only for Heather to die
anyway? Would I be left alone, a broke widower trying to raise a little girl?
More than once, I sank to the floor and sobbed, but that didn’t last long. I
needed to be strong for Heather. I never once let her see how hard this was for
me. She needed a source of strength, not more fear.
Every time things seemed impossible, help would come. It came from
family, friends and complete strangers. Sometimes the help was financial. Other
times encouraging words gave me the strength to carry on. I learned the
importance of accepting help from others. In fact, one of the most important
pieces of advice I could give to those who find themselves in this situation is
to always accept the help that is available. I learned the hard way that there
is no room for pride when you’re battling cancer. Use all of your resources.
This will help you make it through the most difficult days.
Being a caregiver for a cancer patient is difficult. You will
experience stress, uncertainty and a barrage of difficult emotions. Unlike a
difficult job or tough classes in school, this responsibility is not something
from which you can simply walk away. Allow yourself to feel negative emotions,
but do not allow yourself to be overcome by them. Hold onto hope, and continue
to use every resource available to help you along the way.
Our lives didn’t return to normal for years. My wife underwent
major mesothelioma
surgery, chemotherapy and radiation over the following months. Finally, despite
the odds against her, she was declared cancer free and remains so to this day.
When our daughter was two years old, I returned to school while
continuing to work full time. I graduated from my studies in information
technology with high honors, and my class selected me as the speaker for
commencement. I remember speaking of my wife’s cancer diagnosis. Had anyone
asked on that day, receiving the diagnosis, where I would be in five years, I
would never have guessed that I would be graduating, having accomplished a
lifelong dream and celebrating it with my healthy wife and daughter. Never give
up hope, and always keep fighting for the ones you love.
Cameron is a member of the Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance. To follow Cameron's story, visit his blog at ://www.mesothelioma.com/
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